'Everybody hurts'

The past two weeks are a blur in my mind. I feel as if I have been living inside of a snowglobe, and someone has now picked it up and shaken it. All I can do is watch the snowflakes fall, and wait for them to settle before wading through the mess left in the wake of this snowstorm.



In light of recent events, I think I have identified a defining gage of friendship and love. Some people, can look from the outside of the snowglobe inwards, and in a detached manner, tell me what I should feel or what I should do. Then there are the others. The others, are on the inside of the snowglobe helping me through the mess, and watching my step for me, when they know my vision is blurred. Those who are on the outside tell me how I should react. Those on the inside know that I could only react in one way, so they hold my hand, give me a hug or even just a smile, and I know they'll always be there whenever I need them.





I am an emotional person at the best of times, and when life throws a curve ball my way, usually I give in to the beauty of the disaster and let myself really feel, grieve and heal, in the only way I know how. Many people don't understand why I allow myself to feel such a bulk amount of hurt or why I let certain things bother me. If you're reading this, and you are one of these people, what can I say? I give in to the pitts and the peaks of life. Is it that much of a paradox? I could not experience the greatest high points life has to offer, if I don't feel the lowest of low's too.



In my times of need I throw myself in to my comforts, painting, losing myself in music, beach walks, writing and pouring over old photographs. Not this time. My body wont let me feel the extent of my emotional injuries.



Why?



Maybe it is due to the fact that life has been so busy lately, the absence of dearly missed friends or exams. I guess because my mind knows that everything will be alright and I feel guilty by letting myself feel sad.



Is that to say that I can't let myself feel that emotion? The reality of this is that it is sad and I am sad. Although I am not sad through grief or loss, or even for fear of the unknown - I just am. Do others think that by allowing all which I feel brewing, from that ever present knot in my stomach, to come up I am showing weakness? Of course I can see that there is a time and a place for such emotion, but I cannot help it. Isn't that the definition of  true emotion? Perhaps those on the outside looking in are detached, and know it? I have to accept that their comments are perhaps merely an indication of their own fears or sadness.



Either way, I need to release those feelings and I am hopeful, I am positive and I am brave, but everybody hurts sometimes. Everybody.