'Bad Reputation'

John Donne, once addressed Death, in Holy Sonnet X with the following line:



"Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men"



Today, as I marginally made the 3.40pm train I thought about the concepts of Fate & Chance. I thought about their effect on Human's as opposed to Death personified. I often ponder over situations such as this one, and question whether for one reason or another, be it a higher power or our own destiny, if all the deferments of the day can lead to us being in the right place at the right time.

I sat on the hot train today, thinking why on earth God, Chance or Fate thought it was best for me to make the 3.40pm train instead of the 4.00pm. I was thrust deeper into thought as twenty roudy private school kids got on my carriage. Just my luck. They were so noisey. Two girls from St Mary's College caught my attention. In retrospect i'm not too sure if they were as loud as they seemed, or if it was merely the content of their conversation that commanded my attention.

I wont go in to as much graphic detail as this one girl did, but their conversation was of an explicit nature. This young woman, sat two seats in front of me, and at the top of her voice, discussed her sexual history, subsequent information about the anatomy of her partners', and here's the kicker - her plans for the weekend to meet up with an 18 year old boy, she met on the internet...

..I screamed inside. Alarm bells were ringing loud and clear. I was so angry and upset. What made it worse, was that I could tell that for the most of it she was lying to impress her friend. She was 15 years old, and somehow felt compelled to lie about such things so that her younger friend would look up to her and be impressed.

I wanted to ask them to keep it down, but feared that if I said anything I would blurt out what I really wanted to say.



A few stops later the younger girl got off the train and two boys got on. I then sat uncomfortably for four more stops, as this girl verbally threw herslef at these young boys. I couldn't believe how foward she was being. To call the things that she was saying 'suggestive', would be a huge understatement.



The last boy got off at Paekakariki. I really wanted to approach her. I asked myself if I was doing the right thing.

Was this any of my business? Not really.

Was this Fate, Chance or by divine Intervention? Perhaps.

I then got all dramatic on it. What if she met this boy she met on the internet and he hurt her or did something horrible to her? I would never forgive myself. I then asked myself, "what do I have to lose?" At the very worst she could tell me to mind my own business. I thought about the little girls in my life, and asked myself if fifteen years down the track, whether I would want someone in the same position as me to say something. Then I thought, who is giving this girl some perspective? Certainly not her friends. I mean teachers and councillors told us these things when we were younger, but no one listened then - I doubt as if that's changed in only four years. It is highley unlikely that this girls Mother knew what she was up to - she looked as if she was only missing a halo and wings.

I waited until the train was going at a higher speed, so that the noise would drown out our conversation to other passengers. I moved to the seat behind her, and tapped her on the shoulder.



I asked if I could talk to her for a second. I talked. She listened. She nodded. She shed a tear. She held my hand & thanked me.



I gave her my email address, incase she wanted to talk any further at a later date, then we left the train and parted ways. I may never see her again, or even hear from her, but I am positive that I did the right thing and am glad that I did.

After I introduced myself, this is what I said to her - in short:

It's okay, i'm not going to point and judge. Everyone has been here. My intention is to help.

Every one makes mistakes in life, especially in their youth. The important thing is to recognise when you're taking things too far, and make a change.



Don't meet strangers from the internet. But you are probably are going to anyway, so...go somewhere very public, during the day, and always take a friend. Never get in a car with them or go to their house. And let someone else know where you are - always.

You don't have to encourage sexual energy in teenage boy's - they're already there. Teenage boys are a small scrub fire, burning steadily. Your actions, are petrol to that fire. At some point things are going to get out of control, and could be too difficult to stop.

It may be fun now, but at some point you're going to want someone to like you for who you are, not for what you can do for them. And you're making it hard for yourself, because by the time you get there, you may only be known as 'that' girl.

Think about what type of girl you are and the type of girl you want to be, and be known as. Are you being true to yourself?

Enjoy what is left of your childhood, in five years you will look back and wish you had held on to fragments of your innocence for as long as possible. I promise.

You are a beautiful young woman, never accept anything less than you deserve, especially when it comes to your dignity, reputation and above all Love.