"Never Be The Same Again"

After talking with my Mum this evening we've made a few observations on the effects of Cancer. I'm not talking about treatment or illness or surgery. I'm talking about how Cancer changes people. A few ways that dealing with Cancer has changed me:

• I have become extremely unsympathetic. When people that I'm not that close with tell me they've had a bad day - I see an image of myself appear in a thought bubble above the head of the speaker. The 'Me' that is in the bubble is rolling its eyes at the real 'Me'. This is a new trait that has both positive and negative twists. One positive way to look at it is, my mind fogs over when people are complaining about pretend problems, a.k.a Drama. But on the other hand, just because someone doesn't have Cancer - doesn't mean that they don't have any problems at all. I guess I just need to learn to harness my new found "power."

• Cancer is a friend filter. I would not have been able to function through any of this, without the love and support of my friends. Some friends have always been here, and always will - that was no surprise. Some friends had always been around - but now, for some reason or another aren't. Perhaps they find it too hard, or just don't know what to say or do. They are similar to the Friend that acts like Cancer is a case of the Chicken Pox. I've found this the hardest to deal with. Then there are some friends who had drifted away on their own little boats, who miraculously rowed all the way back, to be by my side. Thank you to all of my Friends, for your eternal care, support & companion ship.

• I, by nature am an extremely emotional person. I cry to Songs, Oprah & the Birth of any Child. Any. I literally just caught thirty seconds of Grey's Anatomy, it was a birth scene. We have tears people.This aside, Cancer has emotionally stunted me. Before, I would feel anything and everything that my soul would allow. That's how I dealt with anything emotionally charged. Now, I feel like I am holding things in. Not on purpose, I just am. I feel like I am heavy sighing, and deep breathing my way though life. Then every now and again the stress will build up so high it bubbles over and I will have a tiny cry. Like less than a minute and it's over. Weird.

Who knows, maybe when all of this is behind us, I will return to my normal self. One way or another Cancer has changed me, and in some way's I will never be the same again.